Chapter 2:

How to Win Back Your Ex

Synopsis

Once you have established that you want to win back your ex, now it’s time to put a plan in action. In this chapter, we look at some of the tips that can help you rekindle your lost love.

You can get your ex back again. If this is your soul mate or you still love them then you owe it to yourself and to your relationship to do everything possible to reconcile and make things work again.

 

Some Tips

 

Stop Acting Like It’s The End Of The World

 

It’s not the end of the world, so stop acting like it. This will make you unfocused and you will not be able to get your ex back with this kind of attitude. You have to calm down and get your thoughts together. Then get a plan in hand. Find out what you happened, what you want to do to get back your ex and what you will do once you have them back.

 

Many people make bad decisions because they start panicking. This inhibits their ability to make any rational decisions. Look for things that can make you calm down. In addition, if your ex sees you like this, you may end up scaring them away.

 

Panicking will not help you get back your ex.

 

Make A Plan

 

If you are serious about getting your ex back, you have to work with a good plan. This will also keep you from making irrational decisions. Sit down and think about what you want to do.Then plan. You don’t have to write it down, but you can just think about your course of action. Don’t try to contact your ex without any plans. You may end up making some mistakes.

 

Try and stick with your plan. This will help you avoid ruining things between you two. If you have been making progress in getting your ex, one bad move can ruin it all.

For instance, getting drunk and calling your ex may actually change their minds. You may end up saying the wrong things or just repelling them.

 

You Have To Be Strong

 

It’s definitely hard to see someone you love walk away. This is why many people get depressed over a break-up. It’s natural to want to cry and stay in bed all day. You may not even want to talk to other people. However, you can let your ex see you like this. You have to get yourself together.

 

Some people think that the ex will come back because they will pity them. However, who wants that? Why would you want to be with someone who just feels sorry for you?

Making your ex feel guilty for leaving you will not work. It may even make them start avoiding you. Nobody wants to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves.

 

In other situations, this may actually drive away your ex? They will feel caged as if you are trying to make them feel guilty so that they may come back. Others may avoid you especially if you are always like that. Nobody wants to be around a person who looks like they are constantly in mourning.

 

Be strong and get yourself together. This way, you can put a plan in place and manage to win over your ex. You have to be ready to control your emotions. For instance, breaking down in tears even in public when you see your ex isn’t the right thing to do. You may end up embarrassing them or putting them in an awkward position. This may make them start avoiding you.

 

Crying and being miserable will not help you win back your ex.

 

Find Out What Made Your Relationship Fail

 

If you don’t even know what made your relationship fail, then you need to start from this point. You have to find out what went wrong between the two of you.”I think we should just be friends”. This isn’t a stamen that is normally thrown away just for no reasons. If someone who once loved you doesn’t want to be with you anymore, there has to be a reason why.

 

This doesn’t mean that you did something wrong though. It simply means that there is something that you should work on. If your issue was a lack of communication, then this is what has to be worked on. If your ex is the one who did something wrong, then you are to establish what this was. How did it affect you? Are ready to move on now?

 

Identifying the reasons that made your relationship fail in the first place is very important in helping you rekindle your love. This also greatly helps in being able to find the right action plan not just to get back your ex but to ensure that things work this time round. If you don’t work on this issue, even if you manage to get your ex back, this will be very temporary.

 

Listen

 

It is very important that you learn how to listen. If your ex left you because they didn’t like something that you did, listen to them as they tell you this. You may be tempted to argue back or defend yourself but this isn’t how you will win them back. This may actually push them away. You have to show that you are willing to know where you went wrong and possibly change. Don’t try and justify your actions by coming up with defenses or a list of why you were right.

 

You should also never try to equal out your mistakes. If you were caught cheating, this isn’t the time to start arguing and reminding your ex about that time that they cheated on you too. Listen to what they have to say and let them speak their minds. Don’t interrupt or become combative.

 

Agree on your break up. It’s tempting to try and convince your ex why the break up was the worst move that they have ever made. Even if you think so, don’t say it. Just agree that the breakup happened and it had to happen. Then work on the reasons why you had to break up. Your ex will resent you if you try and show them that they made a dumb move by leaving you.

 

Give Your Ex Some Space

 

It may not seem like a great idea but it actually is. You have to give your ex some space. Sometimes this may mean not contacting them for a period of time. If your ex particularly asked you for some space then its best to respect their request. However, don’t give them too much space and start ignoring them for months. This isn’t going to work.

 

Time apart may even help your ex realize just how much they miss you. It may even make them come back to you on their own. Space is highly recommended especially soon after the breakup. No matter how much you are hurting, you have to let your ex be just for some time. In addition, you also need some space on your own. This will help you figure out what you want and put a good action place in motion to help you get your ex back.

 

Don’t Stalk Your Ex

 

It’s natural to want to see your ex or at least talk to him/her. However, don’t push this. You probably have seen those movies where someone stands outside their exes’ window or door for hours crying or singing. That won’t work; you can’t suffocate your ex with attention and hope that they will take you back. Don’t call or keep following them around.

 

The amount of contact that you have with your ex should be limited by the stages of your breakup. For instance, when your ex tells you that they need a few days away and that you should give them space, making contact with them frequently will only push them away. As hard as it may seem, you do need to stay away from them at this time. Once some amount of time has passed, then you can establish some minimal contact. You can make a phone call, send a text or email just to find out how they are fairing on. During this time, don’t try to send them strong messages to ask them back. You have to take it slow. After some time has passed, then you can gradually increase your contact. However, if the ex asks you to stop at any time, you have to respect this.

 

Contact refers to communicating or meeting up. Following your ex around is simply stalking. Don’t be tempted to drive by their house or workplace just to see them. You should also stop mind mastering those “accidental bumps in”. Your ex will know what you are up to if they start to suddenly bump into you everywhere. There are also “accidental texts”. This is whereby you purposefully send someone the wrong text pretending that you just mixed up some numbers. This is usually done to try and get your ex to call or text you back even if it’s to alert you that you mistakenly send them the wrong text. You should also stay off their social networking pages. You can’t start asking your friend about their new friendships on Facebook. This will show that you have been monitoring their page.

 

Don’t start following your ex around or spying on them. This may push them away.

 

Get Your Mind Off Your Ex

 

This may not sound like a good plan but it actually works. You need to find new hobbies or something that can keep your mind focused. If you keep thinking about your ex, you are more likely to make some dumb moves. You may be out with your friends when suddenly drink and dialing sounds like a great idea. Find other interests. This will help you in working on making yourself better. It will give you some level of independence and self-confidence and get you ready for the relationship.

 

Don’t Try To Involve Third Parties

 

Sometimes when you feel like you have done everything that you can possibly do to get your ex back, you may result to desperate measures. Most people think that trying to get a friend or family member to intervene may actually work. This is because they reason that the third party is likely to have better results.   However, this may not work well for you. Your ex may resent you for involving other people. It may also make them angry and start feeling uncomfortable.

 

Spend Some Time Together

 

Once you and your ex have started talking and some good amount of time has passed by, you should now try and spend time together doing things that you used to like. For instance, when your ex starts coming around, you can ask them out on a date to go to one of their favorite place or watch a movie together. Do something that you both enjoyed doing and this will help you in reflecting on the days when your relationship was good. These memories normally soften the heart of a person. Just steer away from provoking memories that may be liked to your breakup as this may take you back to square one again.

 

Spending time together doesn’t mean you jump into bed immediately. When it comes to sex, you have to take it slow. You are rebuilding a relationship and so you have to work on your emotional issues before you start on the physical ones. Having sex immediately may just give you the false impression that everything is back to normal. However, this is never the case. Try and work on your intimacy on an emotional level. Take the time and resolve your issues. Sex will eventually happen once you are back together not when you are trying to get back together. Many people don’t understand this concept because they mistake sex at this point as being “makeup sex”. However, that kind of sex happens after a fight resolved. You have to realize breakups are different, you can make up with your ex just by having sex.

 

Most advice book will tell you that you have to wear something very sexy when hanging out with your ex. However, this isn’t true. You should wear something nice that they like. You should be all means look good since you are trying to get your ex back. However, don’t overdo it. For instance, wearing a revealing dress may make your ex want you but this doesn’t guarantee that they will be back for the right reasons. You have to keep it classy. You can also manage to be sexy without pushing it too far.

 

Spend some time with your ex so as to rebuild your relationships.

 

Don’t Stop Trying

 

Some people imagine that once you have your ex back then that’s just it. However, the efforts don’t stop here. You have to learn how to keep your ex. You may work for months to get them back only to lose them again in less than just a week. Put some time and invest in making your relationship work once the ex is back in your life again. Work on any issues that you may have between you. For instance, if its loss of trust, you have to keep on trying to rebuild this. You also have to remain the person that they fell in love with. If you made any good changes in your life during the breakup, make sure you keep the. For instance, if you started taking care of your looks, don’t just stop once the ex is back. You don’t have to go overboard but you have to keep your ex interested in you.

 

Extra Tips On How To Get Back Your Ex-Girlfriend

 

You first need to establish the mind frame of your ex-girlfriend after the breakup. Find out what they are feeling. Sometimes they may be feeling angry, bitter or even just confused. Establishing how she feels will definitely help you in outing your action plan in motions. In addition, the worst thing that you can do is to ignore how she feels. This will only push her away. If she feels betrayed by you, getting her candy or flowers will just be meaningless. You have to find a way of addressing your issues.

 

Don’t use the “blind apologizing” strategy. This is a tactic that many men are fond of using. It is whereby you say sorry without really knowing what you did wrong. This may be done in an attempt to just resolve the issue without really dealing with it. Your ex girlfriend will resent you for this. Make sure that you find out the reason for the breakups. Take time to establish what you did to make things wrong then apologize.”I am sorry if I ever did anything wrong” is a statement that you should also avoid. It shows that you don’t think that you did anything wrong but you just want to apologize just to get done with it. This will annoy your ex and make her feel like you don’t take the relationship seriously.

 

You should also listen and pay attention to her. Finding out whether or now she is ready to start seeing you again. There are times when a woman is so fed-up that you are the last person that she will want to see. If you had a serious breakup over an issue that hurt her deeply, she may not even want to see you again. Don’t panic, this doesn’t mean that you can’t get her back; it just means that there is a lot that you have to. Try and give her some time to cool down. Don’t push her; she will come around on her own. Let her heal and get time to put things into perspective.

 

Spend some time together and make her feel special.

 

Once she is ready to see you then this is the time to win her back. You have to do things to make her feel simply. This doesn’t mean that you buy her love back. It just means that you make her feel appreciated and wanted. You should spend time with her and give her your attention. Don’t take her on a date and then spend time on your phone talking business. You have to give her attention. You should also invite her out with your boys! This is your chance to work on things just the two of you. Be serious about it.

 

Do little things like calling or texting her to find out how she is doing. When things start working out, send her flowers or candy. These are simple gestures to let her know that you are thinking of her and she is special. On your dates, compliment her without being too much. Just tell her she looks nice. Simple gestures will go a long way in softening her heart.

 

Women normally appreciate thoughtfulness. If you take your ex to a nice fancy five star restaurants, that’s a good gesture. However, if you take her to that dinner where you first saw her or where you once had a great time, then this is really thoughtful. Just showing that you remember even the little things are wonderful. It shows that you pay attention and that your relationship matters to you. In addition, this will bring back some good memories. It will remind her of a time when you were happy together. This is a good move.

 

Take her somewhere special that show your thoughtfulness and affection for her.

 

Remember, you have to respect her space. Even if you used to spend a lot of time together when you are dating, she may start wanting to spend some time away from you. Some women try and get some time alone while others find good support systems in their girlfriends. She needs this time to figure things out. She also needs to work on herself. You should complain that she is spending too much time with them instead of you. Just respect her space.

 

Like after every other reconciliation, you still have to invest time and effort to make sure that the relationship works. Just because she has taken you back doesn’t mean that you can now stop making her feel special. This should never stop. Keep buying her flowers and complimenting her. You should also keep spending time with her. Just because she back doesn’t mean that she can’t go away again.

 

Extra Tips on How To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back

 

You have to slow down! Many women want a commitment. They want the ring and the kids and the big house in particular order. Sometimes, this may scare a man away. You have to learn how to go with his pace and try not to make him rush into things. If you want him back, don’t even bring all these things up. If you broke up over these issues, you have to show him that you are ready to take things the way they are. Trying to pressure him may make him feel like he has lost control over his life. He will feel like someone else is making all the decisions for him and trying to plan out his life. If you don’t want your ex boyfriend to move further away, then you have to learn to slow don’t.

 

On the other hand, he could have left you because you weren’t there anymore. You may have stopped putting the effort in your relationship or in him. This may happen due to a number of reasons. For instance, there are women who tend to focus on their jobs so much that they ignore their men. This may very well push him away. You have to convince your ex that you value your relationship. It doesn’t matter whether you are just about to get a promotion at work; you have to sacrifice some time for your boyfriend. If you are on your way to getting him back, show that some commitment.

 

Like with any other reconciliation process, space is very important. You have to respect your ex boyfriends need to spend some time away from you. He may want to do his own things or just hang out with his boys. You shouldn’t try to organize some accidental meetings by hanging out at his favorite places. This isn’t respecting his space. Even if you hear that he is on a date, this doesn’t give you any right to show up at the same place and ask him about it. This may just push him away from you. You should also limit the amount of contact. Calling him up at 2:am after a few shots of tequila is quite a turn-off.

 

Work on yourself. Sometimes, insecurities or low self-esteem may push a man away. You can’t wait for the man to define who you are. You have to do this on your own. Find some strength in making yourself a better person. You have to learn how to be independent. You can’t show your ex that your life would be meaningless without them. This may just scare them away. Men like women who are strong and confident. Ensure that you work on yourself even as you try to work on the relationship.

 

Keep things interesting. It’s common to not want to dress up when you are going through a breakup. Most times, the outside reflects what’s on the inside. However, if you are meeting your ex, you have to put in the effort. Wear something nice; get your hair and nails done. You need to keep them attracted to you. This may remind them of what they saw in you the first time you met.

 

Extra Tips On How to Get Your Wife Back

 

You have to tread carefully. One wrong move can push her away. It is common to experience strong emotions such as anger or even resentment. It’s hard to believe that someone can walk out on a marriage since it’s such a serious union. However, if she has left you, you have to accept that. Calm yourself down before you even approach her. Showing her your anger or bitterness will just push her further away.

 

Let your wife see the man that she first fell in love with. Sometimes people change when they get married. A thoughtful man stops being what he used to be. He stops making his wife feel appreciated instead he starts taking things for granted. You have to remind your ex wife about the man she fell in love with. Try and do things that you used to do together. Try and visit places that mean something to you. You can take her to the place where you proposed to her for example. Do special things that will remind her of how things used to be good.

 

You have to be willing to work on your marriage and change the things that weren’t working out. Your ex wife has to see this to believe that you mean it. It’s not enough to keep telling her that you are now ready to fix everything. You have to show her that you are serious about it. If she doesn’t think that you love her anymore, you have to show her that you do. Give her your attention and so things for her to show her your affection.

 

Consider seeing a marriage counselor. Sometimes you may need help to make things work between you two. A professional can help with that. This will even show your wife just how committed you are about making your marriage work. In addition, the counselor will help you work through your issues.

 

Talking to a marriage counselor may help you repair your marriage.

 

Extra Tips on How To Get Your Ex Husband Back

 

You have to first identify what went wrong in your marriage. This will help you in realizing what you need to work on. For instance, if the relationship became stale, you have to work on this. Sometimes men walk out on a woman who starts not giving enough in a relationship. A woman who actually seems to be bored with the relationship may also push a man away. It may also be because you no longer give him the attention that you need. This can easily happen especially once the kids are born. Find out what went wrong and be willing to work on this. You have to show your husband that you are willing to change things and work on the marriage now.

 

Try and make your ex husband realize that you appreciate him. Many women end up acting like they don’t need their men anymore. However, a man needs to feel needed. You can show this to him or say it to him. Make sure he sees that you appreciate the role that he plays in your life and in your marriage.

 

Don’t try to push your husband. It’s ok to tell him that you still love him but don’t keep doing this over and over again. It may sound desperate and end up pushing him further away from you. In addition, overdoing this makes you sound insecure and this is a very unattractive quality in a woman. You should also avoid too much contact with him. You have to let him have his personal space. This may seem hard at first because you may just want to see him or talk to him all the time. However, this may be considered as being overbearing which can further push him away.

 

As much as you are tempted to, try and avoid to using your kids to get your husband back. This may be considered as a guilt trip. You can’t try and make him feel like he is failing in his role as a father by leaving you.

Don’t try to use your kid to get your ex back.

Learn how to keep yourself together no matter how bad you may be feeling. Don’t break down and start crying every time you see him or even just get a call from him. You have to appear confident and together. Keep your emotions in check or you may end up scaring him away.

                  

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