Chapter 3:

Your Interactions with People

Synopsis

Finding love is a highly social activity. You are not going to do it by being with yourself. You have to go out and deal with people.

And, not only do you have to deal with people, but you have to deal with them in such a manner that they bring positive results.

 

Hence, your interactions with people mean a lot. If you want to make others fall in love with you, this is something you have to work on.

 

Here we are going to deal with three main aspects:-

 

• ® How to reach out to people so that you may find the one you want to fall in love with,

 

• ® How to interact with them, and

 

• ® How to create a lasting impression on them so that they do not forget you, but want to meet you again.

 

Reaching Out—Being an Extrovert

One of the most important things for you in your mission of finding love is to reach out to people. People are all around you, and the one you want to fall in love with you is also out there.

These people will not come walking to you. You have to take yourself to them. Or, at least, you have to be visible to them.

 

Hence, being an introvert definitely does not help. You have to be an extrovert… you have to take yourself out into the open.

 

Now, being an extrovert is quite a subjective thing. The concept is different from one person to another. For some people, being an extrovert means that they have to go out and participate in sports and do some adventurous things and roam all over the world.

For some others, simply going to church means being an extrovert. You may have your own definition… but what I am telling you here is that you have to mingle with people.

 

Widen your social circle. Get in touch with as many people as you can. And, since you are trying to find a relationship here, it will really work if you move about in places that suit your interests, because those are the places in which you will find people that meet your requirements.

 

So, join a club. Start going to church regularly. Go out and meet friends. Do not turn down those party invitations. Join a good online dating website. Help people do things. Move out in society. Talk to people. Discuss and share problems and experiences.

These are all different ways in which you become visible. These are ways in which people begin to notice you. They start knowing you exist. You don’t need to sell yourself; just be what you are, but only be more social.

 

Basic Things to Remember When Interacting in Society

 

When you interact with people, you should realize that you are creating impressions on them all the time. People are constantly monitoring you, knowingly or unknowingly. You do not understand how and when that happens, but it does.

You say something, and that is the thing on which they will judge you. The way you dress will decide what kind of impression they have on you. Why, even if you simply wear your hair in a particular way, people are going to start talking about it!

 

You can definitely not please anyone, and you shouldn’t try you. That is not the way you can gain love. And even if you meet up with somebody by being who you really aren’t, it won’t last long. Better alone than such a relationship!

 

However, some things you can do can help build better impressions on people. These are all constructive things; things that you would do well to keep in mind.

 

• ® Know when to talk and when to listen. Sometimes, the person with you will want to say something. At other times, they will not want to talk much. You have to take the cue from their mannerisms and behavior. This is being respectful to their mood, a very important quality to develop.

 

• ® Always be a better listener. When you hear out what people are saying, you are expressing your concern. People always love a listener. At the same time, do not be a mute listener. Show that you are paying attention. Intersperse the conversation with well-placed interjections. Ask relevant questions to let the other person say.

 

• ® When speaking, do not go on and on about yourself. Say something that doesn’t sound like you are boasting. In fact, you have to just inform people about yourself… never delve too much on it. But, don’t be a clam either. People do not like to have relationships with clams.

 

• ® Get to know the other person. This is extremely important. Remember their name, understand what they do, find out about their family if it seems appropriate, etc. And remember these things the next time they meet. Address them by name. You will probably cinch the deal there and then.

 

• ® Show concern to the other people around you. For example, if you are seated at a restaurant, then do not disrespect the Garcon! The way you deal with people is often a factor for judging you. While some people take pride in demeaning other people, the people with them get a very low opinion of them.

 

• ® Never invite people too bluntly. Invitations should seem like they are deserved. You should never invite people just for the heck of it because then it seems inappropriate and even insulting. And, don’t create events just so you can invite people. Those tricks are old; they do not work anymore.

 

• ® Smile a lot. Do not miss any opportunity to smile. A grumpy face never does anyone any good.

 

• ® Be knowledgeable. Read the papers. Browse the Internet. Find out what is happening in the world around you. When you enhance your knowledge, you have things to talk. And, when you have things to talk, people enjoy your company.

 

• ® Do not push too hard. This is a very important point to remember. When you are trying to strike an acquaintance, you should not come across as desperate. You should maintain your dignity. You should know when to back off. You will find the person who deserves you very soon.

 

Creating an Impression on People

 

I have one thing to say about creating impressions on people. You should never come across as shallow. Just be your true self, and you will find that that always works.

 

Of course, an important part of our agenda here is to be able to create the right impression on people. We are going to try that too, but pushing the envelope too much doesn’t work either.

 

The way I always advocate this is as follows…

 

First, improve your personality. Be a better person from within. Then, try to meet people in the manner that’s the most natural to you. This is the best way to impress people.

 

You need to take your natural personality take over. If needed, enhance your personality. But do not put on a personality on an ad-hoc basis. You can develop your personality, but you should never role-play for just one particular situation.

 

So, be a good conversationalist, do not have too many secrets, be concerned for other people around you, be expressive, dress neatly, speak well… these are the things that help to create the first favorable impression. We just spoke about it in the previous part of this chapter, so we are not going to go down that alley again.

 

But the one message that I want to reiterate is that you need to be your natural self. Develop your personality as a consistent effort, and then approach people in the most casual, genuine manner.

This is what is sure to impress everyone you meet.

                  

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